Relationships in a mess? Nobody loves you? It's not surprising with your birth chart. Is there anyone at all you are compatible with? Old Grouch knows the answers. Following the underwhelming popularity of his recent Sun Sign forecasts he now puts you straight on Synastry.
FIRE SIGNS with Fire signs: It wont last five minutes
FIRE SIGNS with Earth signs: Forget it
FIRE SIGNS with Air signs: Get real
FIRE SIGNS with Water signs: You'd be better off dating a chimp
EARTH SIGNS with Earth signs: The boredom will kill you
EARTH SIGNS with Air signs: Do me a favour
EARTH SIGNS with Water signs: You don't need this hassle
EARTH SIGNS with Fire signs: I told you already to forget it
AIR SIGNS with Air signs: You can't trust them
AIR SIGNS with Water signs: Don't make me laugh
AIR SIGNS with Fire signs: Get real (How many times do I have to tell you)
AIR SIGNS with Earth signs: Do me a favour
WATER SIGNS with Water signs: Hello? Is anybody there?
WATER SIGNS with Fire signs: You cant even get on with the chimp
WATER SIGNS with Earth signs: OK so you thrive on hassle
WATER SIGNS with Air signs: This is beyond a joke
Other reasons why you are compatibly incompetent:
Count the number of degrees between Mars and Venus on your chart. If this proves difficult get a qualified professional to do it for you. Don't try and make a pass at the qualified professional. You're in enough trouble as it is.
Multiply the number of degrees by ten. This corresponds to the number of times you make a complete pig's ear of your relationship skills during each Venus/Mars cycle.
[Special note: If you were born with Venus and Mars exactly conjunct, don't think you are getting away with anything. In this case you must count the longest distance between Venus and Mars. That is: right round the zodiac, 360 degrees. That will take the smile off your face, you attractive jezebel/handsome so-and-so (delete as necessary).]
What you can do about your basic incompatibility:
Wait till the next Neptune transit and have a sex change. (You can then be a failure with the other sex too).
Wait till the next Neptune transit and join a nunnery/monastery. (Assuming they'll have you).
Take up drugs while you're waiting for the next Neptune transit.
Remember Old Grouch knows all the answers.