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What pets would each sign choose?

Aries: Anything, as long as it's got a lot of energy!

Taurus: A turtle: it's slow-moving, doesn't need a lot of attention, and wonıt compete with its owner for food.

Gemini: A talking parrot; need I say more? Well, of course I do, but-

Cancer: Anything, as long as it needs to be nurtured.

Leo: A big, bold, ferocious feline, as long as it doesnıt compete with its ownerıs place in the sun.

Virgo: Let's see, if it’s a cat I’ll have to get up at 7:30 to feed it, let it out at 7:45, then once a week I’ll need to go to the shop to buy seven tins of food, which will cost at least £5.39, unless they’re on a "2-for-1" promotion. And if it's a dog, I'd also have make time to to take it out for exercise - at least 30 minutes a day if it's just something like a Yorkshire Terrier or a Spaniel, or an hour if it's one of those big breeds, a Great Dane, say; so I'd have to get up that much earlier, unless I could do it in the evening....

Libra: Hm, good question. One the one hand, a dog is active, affectionate, and companionable. On the other hand, a cat is pretty independent and wonıt require as much time and attention. Oh, I donıt know. What would you do? Are you sure?

Scorpio: A cat. Secretive, mysterious, unfathomable and unpredictable. Whatıs not to like?

Sagittarius: A horse, of course! Letıs hope itıs got enough stamina to keep up with me.

Capricorn: Do I have to pay for it?

Aquarius: A hamster. First, Iıve got to set up one of those big multi-cages with slides and ladders and stimulating toys, and tubes going through them, and an energy sensor to operate the lights and the feeders - they donıt make anything like that? Thatıs okay, Iım sure what I come up with will be much better....

Pisces: Fish. When their owner forgets about them for weeks on end, theyıre easy to replace. If Pisces remembers to replace them...

'Just think, Pilkins - it could be you down there!'
©Cartoon by Paul Newman. He can be contacted at pneuma at ukonline.co.uk.